There have been a lot of posts all over the interwebs these past few weeks about Harry Potter. Having never read the seventh book but still curious as to how it all ends, I have been trying to avoid all the spoilers. Unfortunately, I have a rabid internet addiction, and thus have unintentionally stumbled upon both obvious and cryptic clues to the close of the story.

I have decided to list my predictions before I see the movie on, hopefully, Sunday. Safe to put them here, I figure, as I’ve got a whole three readers to mock me when I’m entirely off-base. Or is it five? I can never keep track of all you hooligans.

I have no idea how much I’m spoiling, if anything. You’ve been warned.

  • Fred and Tonks die. I’m guessing Lupin gets it, too. And probably Snape.
  • Molly Weasley says the word bitch and everyone in the audience erupts in cheering and applause.
  • Snape is “good.” He’s probably been protecting Harry due to his love for Harry’s mom, Lily.
  • Harry is Voldemort’s last horcrux. Can a horcrux be human? I have no idea. But I’m fairly certain Harry’s supposed to die in order to kill Voldemort. They have some strange connection that I don’t think has been fully explained yet (maybe I tuned out), and all the horcruxes have to be destroyed in order to kill Voldemort. Thus, dead Harry. Although, why would Voldemort want Harry dead, then? Out of pride, as he failed to kill him when he was a baby? MAYBE VOLDEMORT DOESN’T KNOW HE’S A HORCRUX! …ugh, my HP world is a soap opera.
  • Harry resurrects, somehow. Although Rowling has not pulled any punches in killing off characters, so I’m less certain over this one.
  • We have some sort of flash-forward in which we get to see the survivors as much older people. Which reminds me, Malfoy and Ron live.
  • Neville Longbottom does something awesome. Actually, maybe he’s responsible for killing Voldemort after Harry’s death. Oh, and we have a moment in the film where we surprisingly realize that the actor playing Longbottom got oddly hot.
  • Movie ends with “Mischief managed.” Half my Twitter feed was smothered in that line this morning.

Now I have contributed to the Harry Potter internet obsession.

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